


Storm Rages On

by AceOnIce



Series: Author Magnus / Soldier Alec AU [4]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Alec Lightwood Has Anxiety, Alec Lightwood Has Panic Attacks, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Alec Lightwood, Background Jace Wayland, Communication, Flashbacks, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Hurt/Comfort, Isabelle Lightwood Ships Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, M/M, Mentions of Death, Mundane Magnus Bane/Mundane Alec Lightwood, Near Death Experiences, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Alec Lightwood, Protective Isabelle Lightwood, Protective Magnus Bane, Supportive Magnus Bane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:29:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22176316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceOnIce/pseuds/AceOnIce
Summary: When Magnus gets home he sees Alec, in his own apartment, huddled under the table, as a storm brews outside.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: Author Magnus / Soldier Alec AU [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1596298
Comments: 14
Kudos: 414





	Storm Rages On

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah so I had a lot of ideas for this AU. This one is just angst and fluff and lots of Magnus taking care of Alec and then healthy communication. Enjoy!

Magnus Bane is used to coming home to his blinds left open. He's used to seeing the apartment across from his with its blinds open as well, allowing him to see in. It's become normal since he started dating Alec Lightwood- was normal even before that. What isn't normal is seeing Alec on the floor, huddled under his kitchen table, head pressed to his knees. Magnus is instantly worried. 

Outside, a storm has rolled in with bright lightening flashes and loud booms of thunder. The sky is already dark, but the light in Alec's apartment and the fact that the rain has yet to fall allows Magnus a clear vision. He pulls his phone out of his pocket, finding Alec listed in his contacts even as he's already exiting his own apartment. When the phone rings out before going to voicemail, Magnus tries calling Isabelle. Her gets her voicemail right away.

Magnus nearly runs through the apartment complex and the courtyard that sits between his and Alec's apartments. He skip steps when he climbs the stairs on Alec's side of the complex. He knows something is very wrong for Alec to be curled up like that, but he doesn't know what. 

When he gets to Alec's apartment, Magnus bangs on the door. "Alec?" He calls, hoping the other man will respond, but getting nothing. He tries the knob, only to find it locked. Reluctantly he scrolls through his phone and calls the only other person who might know what's going on. He answers on the first ring.

"Magnus, what's up?" 

"Jace, I'm worried about Alexander."

"Why? What's wrong?"

"He's not answering the door and I think he's hiding under the table? Neither he nor Isabelle are answering their phones." Magnus is sure his panic is evident in his tone. Hearing Jace start cussing on the other end of the phone only makes his panic grow.

"He's probably having flashbacks. There's a spare key under the plant." Magnus lifts up the plastic plant next to the door and finds a small golden house key there. "Magnus, he probably won't be very responsive but there's a box in his room full of stuff that will help. Try to get him to tell you where it is. And stay with him until he feels better or Izzy gets back. I'd come over, but I'm out of town. I'll keep trying to get ahold of Izzy."

"Thank you Jace." Magnus lets himself in as he ends the call, sliding the phone into his pocket. He puts the key back under the plant and shuts the door behind him. "Alexander, darling, are you alright?

He wants to run through the apartment to reach Alec, but forces himself to walk normally. The last thing he wants to do is spook Alec any further. Magnus reaches the kitchen soon enough and finds Alec still curled up under the table, head pressed into his hands, knees at his chest. He's rocking back and forth

"Alec?" 

There's no response, but Magnus wasn't really expecting one. Hoping yes, but not expecting it. He moves a chair out of the way and lowers himself onto the floor. "Darling?"

When there's still nothing, Magnus reaches forward. The second his hand touches Alec's shoulder, Alec jerks away from him, nearly falling onto his side, scurrying away until his back is pressed against the wall. At least he's lifted his head out of his hands, though he's staring at Magnus with fear swimming in his deep blue eyes.

"Alexander?"

"Magnus." His voice is quiet, barely even a whisper as he wraps his arms around himself, making a small ball despite his large frame.

Magnus is relieved to hear him speak at all. "Darling, I talked to Jace. He told me about a box that can help? Where is it?"

Alec stares blankly at him, almost through him. Magnus, worried he isn't going to answer, contemplates the moral implications of rummaging blindly through Alec's room. Before he has to resort to raiding his boyfriend's bedroom and completely violating his privacy, there's another whisper. "Bookshelf."

Magnus nods. "Alright. I'll be right back."

Though he's loathe to leave Alec alone in his current state, he doesn't know how to help him. If the box offers any sort of assistance, he'll take it. 

Magnus makes his way to Alec's room easily. Though they usually spend their time together at Magnus' apartment because he lives alone, this is hardly the first time Magnus has been inside Alec's apartment. 

Once he's in Alec's room, Magnus spots the box easily. It's one of the only knick-knacks in his room. The only non-book on the book shelf. A black wooden box, the size of a large hardcover novel.

Magnus grabs the box and hurries back to the kitchen. Alec is exactly where Magnus left him. He stares when Magnus puts the box down between them so Magnus opens the top. A variety of items are scattered inside. He starts by pulling out the IPod at the top, earphones already plugged in. He checks that the device is charged, it is, and then holds out the earphones for Alec, hoping he'll take them. He doesn't want to risk touching and scaring him again. 

Luckily, Alec stretches out a hand for the cords and presses the earphones into his ears before wrapping his arm back over his knees, waiting for Magnus to play something. Magnus navigates to the playlists and finds there's only one. It's labeled 'playlist 1' which makes Magnus smile despite the situation. It's so very Alec. Magnus presses the playlist, starting the music, and watches Alec close his eyes, his lips mouthing the words. 

Magnus turns back to the box and pulls out the next thing to catch his eye- a bright orange bottle. He turns it to read the prescription label, skimming it before focusing on the words 'take two pills in case of panic attack'. He glances at Alec who is most definitely having a panic attack and then stands to fill a cup with water. He shakes two pills into his palm, sets the water down next to him and presses the softest of touches to Alec's wrist.

Alec's eyes jolt open, but he doesn't move away which Magnus considers progress. He holds out the medicine. "You need to take these darling, they'll help."

Alec slowly reaches out his hand to accept the pills, dropping them into his mouth. Magnus hands him the cup of water and he sips at it, swallowing the pills, before putting it by his side and curling in on himself once again.

Magnus glances at the box. There's not much left. A Rubix cube that he doubts Alec will have any interest in given his current state. A purple heart medal that Magnus will definitely be asking about later. A picture of Alec and Jace, dressed in their fatigues, neither of them smiling. And several tea bags of chamomile tea. Magnus picks out two tea bags and stands. He brings water to a boil over the stove, occasionally glancing at Alec, hoping he'll recover enough to consume the tea and move somewhere more comfortable.

Magnus pours the hot water into two mugs and sets a tea bag in each, listening to the rain hitting the windows as it begins to fall. He's always found storms beautiful, taking delight in sitting outside to watch them, but seeing Alec's reaction has Magnus reconsidering. 

When he turns with two mugs of hot tea in hand, Magnus nearly jumps to find Alec standing at the edge of the counter. The earbuds are still in, the IPod in one of his hands. He's leaning against the counter, watching Magnus.

Magnus sets the mugs back down. "Are you alright Alexander?"

Alec shrugs.

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

"You don't have to do anything." His voice isn't a whisper anymore, but it's still quiet, hard to hear under the sounds of the storm.

Magnus aches to reach out, to hold Alec in his arms, but he doesn't want to make things worse. He stays where he is. "I know. Now tell me, how can I help?"

Alec looks at the floor. Licks his lip. Tugs at the sleeve of his jacket. "The medicine makes me sleepy. Lay by me?"

"Of course."

Alec holds out a hand and Magnus grabs it, threading their fingers together. Alec tugs him to the bedroom before letting go. He shucks off his leather jacket, toes off his shoes and yanks off his jeans. He crawls under the blanket, wearing only his T-shirt and boxers, and curls up. The IPod is placed on the pillow in front of him. Magnus pauses near the bed until Alec glances up at him. "Please."

The vulnerability in Alec's voice breaks him. Magnus removes his outer layers as quickly as he can before crawling in next to Alec, still hesitant to touch him. But Alec moves back until nearly every inch of him is pressed against Magnus. Despite his height, he curls into the small spoon position easily and Magnus lets himself drape an arm over Alec's chest. He rests his hand over Alec's heart to feel the beating and rests his chin against Alec's hair. They stay like that, unspeaking, until Magnus feels Alec finally relax. Only a moment later, Alec is making his small snores and Magnus is able to relax into the bed a little more. He's content to stay there, holding Alec, as long as he needs. 

***

Magnus is forced awake by a voice on the edge of screaming. Alec is still asleep in his arms, but he can hear Isabelle in the apartment, calling for her brother. Magnus untangles himself from Alec and pulls his jeans back on. He leaves the bedroom quickly, shutting the door behind him and finding Isabelle in the living room, heading down the hall, her face pale. 

She looks like she's about to call for Alec again when she cuts herself off, "Magnus?"

"Alec is sleeping. Let's talk in the kitchen."

Isabelle glances at Alec's door like she's considering checking on him, but reluctantly follows Magnus to the kitchen. She closes the blinds as he reheats the untouched tea he made earlier, giving one to Isabelle and keeping one for himself, sitting opposite her at the table. She looks terrible, dark hair dripping with rain water, makeup smudged, face lined with worry. 

"Thanks." She accepts the tea, but stares at it rather than drinking it. 

"Are you alright?" Magnus sips at his own tea. He wants to go back to Alec, doesn't want him to wake up alone, but he can sense that Isabelle wants to talk so he stays at the table.

She nods. "My phone died. I was at Simon's, watching a movie. I didn't even realize it was storming. I would've called Alec right away. I would've come home. When the movie ended I checked my phone and it was dead. When I turned it on I saw all the missed calls, but you and Alec didn't answer and Jace could only tell me that you had come over."

Magnus fumbles through his pockets to pull out his phone. He has two missed calls from Isabelle, one from Jace. "I apologize, my phone was on silent."

"What happened? When you got here? How was Alec?" Instead of sipping the tea, she crosses her arms and taps a bright red fingernail against her bicep.

"I found Alec under the table. I got him to tell me where the box was and I helped him calm down, gave him his medicine and music, until he wanted to sleep. He's been sleeping peacefully since."

Isabelle nods and wraps a hand around the mug. "The pills make him really drowsy, he'll probably sleep till morning." She sets the elbow of her other arm on the table and presses her forehead into her palm. "I should have been here."

"It's not your responsibility to take care of Alexander, you can't blame yourself."

"You don't understand, Magnus. He always took care of us, me and Jace and Max. He only joined the army so Jace wouldn't be alone. When he came back with the nightmares and the flashbacks and the panic attacks... I learned how to help him. It's not even a fraction of enough to make up for everything he's done for me."

Magnus listens silently, letting her finish before reaching over to pat her hand gently. "And it's wonderful for you to help him when you're able. But you can't expect yourself to always be there. It's alright, Alec is fine. You weren't there and nothing bad happened. I mean, aside from the entire situation, but that seems like it would have been difficult to avoid in the first place. Perhaps you could have helped him sooner, but ultimately, he's okay."

"Yeah." Isabelle lifts her head to meet Magnus' eyes. "Because you were here... My brother can be difficult sometimes. He's entirely too self-sacrificing and he hates talking about his vulnerabilities. Or any of his feelings. But he really likes you Magnus. You're good for him."

Magnus gives her a soft smile. "I'm glad. He's made my life so much brighter, saved me in his own ways."

"Good." Isabelle stands, running a hand through her damp locks. "I'm going to go get cleaned up and rest. Are you staying the night?"

Magnus takes his empty mug and her full one to the sink. "Yes, I want to be with Alec when he wakes up."

"Alright. Sleep well. Let me know if anything happens."

"I will."

Isabelle picks up her purse and goes down the hall to her own room. Magnus turns off the lights in the kitchen before returning to Alec's bedroom.

As he rejoins him in the bed, Alec stirs, "Magnus?"

"Shh, I'm here darling."

Magnus pulls Alec into his arms, holding him tightly. 

"Where'd you go?" Alec's voice is slurred from sleep or the medication, or both.

"Your sister got home, I was talking to her."

He curls in closer to Magnus, "Izzy? I should go talk to her."

"She's getting ready for bed. Just sleep now, Alexander, everything is alright."

Alex nods against Magnus' neck where he's nuzzled his head. "Magnus?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

***

When Magnus wakes, the first thing he realizes is that it's still dark outside. The second is that the bed is moving because Alec is getting up.

"Alec?" Magnus asks, half asleep, but waking quickly with the worry that something might be wrong.

"I'm just going to the bathroom. Go back to sleep."

Once Alec is on his feet, he leans down and presses a kiss to Magnus' forehead, making him smile. 

Magnus contemplates going back to sleep, but he wants to talk to Alec. So even as he yawns, he sits up, positioning a pillow behind his back as he finds his phone and scrolls through his emails until Alec comes back.

"You're still awake?" Alec turns on the lamp next to his bed, sitting down so he's facing Magnus. 

"I want to talk to you."

Alec grimaces, rubbing a hand over his face. "Yeah, that's fair."

Magnus sets his phone on the nightstand, turning more fully to face Alec. "Firstly, we don't have to talk about anything that makes you uncomfortable. You're entitled to your secrets. We've only been dating two months, I don't expect you to tell me everything."

"You don't?"

Magnus smiles softly. "No."

"Oh."

"However, I wish you had told me about your PTSD. Anything could have triggered you and when I saw you last night... I didn't know what had happened. I thought I might have to take you to the hospital- before I called Jace."

Alec's frown deepens. "You talked to Jace? And Izzy last night, right?" He groans, burying his face in his hands. "I don't even want to know what they told you."

"Not much," Magnus admits. "Mostly stuff I already knew. That you love your family. That you would do anything for them. That you would blow up the very ground you stand on to make things right."

Alec peeks at him over his hands. "Did they tell you how I got injured?"

Magnus shakes his head. He's seen Alec's injury. The battle scar prominently displayed on his right shoulder, impossible to miss. Out of respect for Alec's privacy he'd kept his questions to himself.

"War was hell, Magnus. Every day. It was awful. There are a lot of things I still have nightmares about, or flashbacks of. But the worst part was knowing that Jace was risking his life alongside me every day. I only joined to keep him safe... I was terrified I would fail, that something would happen to him." Alec pauses and draws in a shuddering breath. Magnus reaches out to grasp Alec's hand over the covers. Alec turns his hand so they're palm-to-palm and laces their fingers together.

"There's one thing I think about more than anything. How I got my injury. Jace and I were on patrol, but we didn't expect anything nearby. It turned out there was an enemy soldier that had wandered away from his own camp. He saw us before we saw him, fired a shot. We're only alive because he missed and we realized he was there. He aimed at Jace before we had time to raise our guns. I pushed Jace out of the way and got a bullet through my shoulder."

"That's why you got the purple heart," Magnus realizes.

Alec nods, his free hand went to his injured shoulder, massaging it almost absentmindedly. "Jace killed him and got me to safety. It was the best possible scenario, but I still have nightmares about it and what could have happened. If he hadn't missed that first shot or if he'd hit Jace with the second one. The idea of Jace bleeding out in my arms because I couldn't protect him... I saw a lot of people die. Sometimes I have flashbacks to their deaths. Sometimes it's those deaths, but it's Jace in their place." 

Alec's hand moves from his shoulders to wipe at his eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. I can't even imagine what you've gone through, what you're still going through."

Alec looks down at their hands, still tied together. "I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to see that part of me. I thought maybe I could just keep you separate from all of that. I didn't want you to see how weak I am."

"Alexander," Magnus admonishes. "In no world would I ever consider you weak."

"Last night-"

Magnus shakes his head. "You did something honorable. For your country and your family. You went to war. You got injured. You came back with scars- mental and physical. You never have to apologize for that."

"But I should be able to get over it. I have flashbacks to things that didn't even happen."

Magnus lifts his free hand to Alec's face, runs his thumb along his cheekbone. He brushes away a tear. "Your mind is still trying to process the trauma. We're not built to comprehend that kind of fear and violence. Your reaction is completely normal."

Alec leans in, pressing his forehead to Magnus' shoulder. "After last night, I was worried you would dump me. I don't want you to feel like I'm dependent on you."

"I want you to lean on me sometimes, Alexander. That's what a relationship is about, give and take, being there for each other. You're so used to giving, you don't realize it's okay to receive every once in a while."

"Dealing with me in the state I was in last night, that's not normal relationship stuff Magnus."

"Who's to say what qualifies as 'normal relationship stuff'?" Magnus runs his hand over Alec's back. "We all have baggage. You've carried this weight on your own long enough, let me help. Let Isabelle and Jace help. You would do the same for us."

Alec doesn't reply, but he turns his head to kiss Magnus' neck, once, softly.

"You know, I would spoil you rotten if you let me," Magnus adds, making Alec snort. "I would!"

"You don't have to."

Magnus hums. "I know. You've never asked for more from me than I've been able, even willing, to give. Trust me when I say that this isn't a deal breaker, it isn't enough to scare me away."

"I'll try."

Magnus takes a moment to appreciate Alec, warm and complacent in his arms. Then he sighs, "I need to do my morning yoga. Would you like to join me?"

Alec grumbles into Magnus' skin. "What time is it?"

"Five thirty."

"I can't do any of the crazy flexible things."

"I know darling. I also understand if you want to stay here, go back to sleep."

Alec pulls away and stretches his arms over his head. "No, I can't sleep anymore. Let's go do _morning yoga_. But I want coffee after."

"I'm sure that can be arranged."

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully this made you feel some things. If not, well, I tried~  
> I promise there will be more smut in the next one.


End file.
